Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Maybe they can tell....

Ok, so last time I told you all about my run ins with Johnny Law. It got me to thinking about why they "like" me so much.

I had a theory. I figured that at 2:30 in the morning, there are much fewer cars on the road. At the same time, there are probably the same amount of Peace Officers on duty as any other time of day. I mean, most crime happens at night, right? So there may even be more officers than during the day. To convince myself of this, I tried to think of all the patrol cars I see in daylight hours. I can't picture as many as at night. I see 4 or 5 some times. On a nightly basis. So that just means that there are less cars to divide each officers attention, which in turn leaves me, rather unluckily, as the focus of many of this city's finest. Sounds good, right?

Now I think otherwise.

I think they know. I think they can see how I drive once I am off the beaten path and onto my route all alone. I think there is an aura around my car that Police see as a billboard that says "LAWBREAKER". And you know what?

They are right.

Once I get onto my route, I have a complete and utter disregard for all traffic laws. Stop signs? Yellow lines? Speed limits? Whatever. I have no time for them. People need the news. The other night I counted the stop signs on my route. (Its lonely on the road, I had the time) On Sunday, my longest night, there are 56 Stop signs on the route. How many do I actually stop at? 30? 25? Not even close. Try none. That's right, not one single time. By the end of the route, there is one 4 way stop that I have run through 3 diffrent ways.

So before you even get to the countless time spent on the wrong side of the road, speeding and swerving while reloading papers, I've broken the law 56 times. And I think the cops can see it all over me.

Maybe I should change my evil ways. Maybe I should take my time and be an upstanding, law abiding citizen.

Naw, I need to get back to my bed.


impeachedmagazine said...

wow i never realized you were such a criminal... how long do you think it would take you if you actually obeyed the traffic laws?

Seth said...

It would probably add about 20-30 minutes. Precious sleeping time if you ask me.